Category Archives: Sex

Rapes and women rights in India

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Woman rights have always been a very issue in India ever since it was affected by invaders. And now the situation has become worse. If we look at India before invaders came, we see that India was a very liberal society with woman and men both having equal rights. But as soon as invaders came, they changed Indian society completely. They implemented so many rules to keep women behind curtain which kind of separated them from the society and caused serious discrimination against them and now these practices have become part of life in India. I travel a lot across India and as a person interested in human behavior, I try never to miss any opportunity of talking with people, doesn’t matter what subject.
Every once in a while I encounter in such conversations where people are talking about girls and just listening to them gives me a sense about how do they see woman, even who are their family. People react in seriously strange way when talking about woman. Three of my friends have daughters and I still remember that when I spoke to them first time after their baby was born, all of them told me somehow the same thing that were happy EVEN if the baby was a girl. I mean if someone becomes a parent then naturally they are happy and there is no need of mentioning whether they got a girl or boy. I could easily see that they were so happy, just as any new parent, but at the same time they were depressed also. There was definitely something missing out of their happiness.

The compliments of others who came to visit the baby at the hospitals were also very strange. They would come and ask if it was a male or female baby and as soon as they heard that it was a female baby, they would go like : Oh, but its not a problem, now the world has changed and girls are also doing so many nice things. These kind of compliments easily showed that the people already had an idea in their mind that the parents were not so happy. Noticing such behavior raise serious question of gender issues in India. We heard about Damini rape case in December last year and I noticed how big news it had become. Everyone was talking about it, people were protesting on the streets, media had nothing else to talk about other than this rape case, our politicians got a news subject to talk about : the party in power was promising some serious step and the opposition party also got an issue to make the other party look down.

I was wondering why everyone was so serious about this particular case when such things have been happening and will happen, because I don’t have any hope from the government at all and police is cent-percent corrupt, in future as well??? What about other Daminis who were also raped and murdered in the past? There has not been a single day ever since Damini was raped when some other girl was not raped in such or worse condition somewhere in India, including several in Delhi itself. It is my daily routine to read newspaper as soon as I wake up and I never find my newspaper not talking about some rape case somewhere in India. Reports are same more or less everyday that a girl was raped and thrown somewhere in either half naked or fully nude condition:  when family went to the police asking them to register a complaint police did not register the complaint: but when media got involved, police registered the complaint: ministers also promised something etc.

I have read several articles saying police itself raped someone inside the police station. I also read an article about a 40 years old woman who was raped by 3 men. When she went to the police station, the Police did not register her complain. When media heard about the issue and contacted to the SSP (Senior Superintendent of Police), the SSP himself said on camera that this woman was lying. She was too old get raped. In fact he asked media why someone would rape her if she is already over 40??? I was like what the hell is this? We all know it very well that it is very complicated for a person to get their complain registered and police does it all the time because once they register the complain they have to solve it also and Police never have time to solve any problem, they are always busy either relaxing, making fake reports, taking bribe or planning to torture someone without any reason but having such kind of excuse from a very responsible and senior police officer??? Later the SSP was suspended but I know that he will be back soon.

Last year an IAS officer tried to rape a 16 year old girl on a running train. Under pressure of other people traveling on the train, police had to register a complain but the very next day media reported that several ministers and other big officers either went to the police station or made a phone call asking police to take the complain back. But since the issue had already been noticed by media, police could not do anything and case was still going on. Finally last week I read another article in the news paper saying that the District Magistrate case was closed in the lack of evidence. The District Magistrate never spent a night in the prison and the case was also finalized only within a few months otherwise India has got most number of legal cases pending in the whole world and usually it takes years for a case to get finalized.

Another horrible case, I would say the worse one is of Sonali Mukharjee, a girl from Dhanbad, Jharkhand (Previously was part of Bihar state). Three boys from her neighborhood attacked her with acid while she was sleeping on her roof top in 2003 and the boys who attacked her are out of prison having fun or planning to attack another Sonali and no one talks about her. The only mistake Sonali did that she refused love proposal of a boy and that’s all. He attacked her with his two other friends and threw acid on her face. Sonali’s story is that she belonged to a poor family. Her father was a security guard at some residential building which means not more than Rs. 5-6000 of income per month. Her mother was a house wife and she had a younger sister as well.

Sonali was so smart in studies that her school had given her life-long scholarship, she was so popular in her school and her parents were so proud their daughter. She was also a National Cadet Corps cadet. In 2003, almost one and half months prior to the incident, three alleged assailants – Tapas Mitra, and his two friends Sanjay Paswan and Bhrahmadev Hajra – told her that she was a Ghamandi (arrogant) person and they would teach her a lesson. Her father later complained to the families of the three men. On 22 April, when she was asleep on the roof of her house, she was attacked with acid and left with a burnt face and other severe injuries. Her sister was also injured in the incident. She was studying sociology honours in a Dhanbad women’s college and also juggling a job with a private firm when the horrific incident occurred.

Miss Mukherjee and her family were then forced to abandon their home in Dhanbad, and her mother slipped into depression. Her father Chandi Das Mukherjee said, ‘We appealed in the high court… Nothing happened. They were sent to jail but were released soon after… Now they are busy enjoying their lives.”The law against acid attackers needs to be made tougher. Otherwise we will have many more Sonalis. Police sources said that the victim and her family members are afraid since two of her attackers, Tapas Mitra and Sanjay Paswan, were released on bail six years ago. The third accused Brahmadev Hajra was let off as he was a juvenile at the time of crime. She also pleaded with the Indian authorities to help her find justice, or else allow her to die.

A report about Sonali asking for either justice or mercy killing:

Sonali appealing people to help her by signing a petition

After all these things Sonali never got justice and the criminals are enjoying their lives, maybe planning to attack another Sonali. I just don’t understand all these craziness and in fact it is increasing. More and more girls are raped everyday and different people have different opinion about it. I have talked with several people on this issue and most of them, over 90%, blame girl’s dressing and modern life style. Many people also blame poverty, illiteracy and even Internet. Neither of these sound genuine cause to me. If its girls dressing or modern life style which motivates people to rape them then what about that 5 years old girl who was raped brutally in Delhi and so many like her are raped every day in our society. We heard about her only because media paid attention otherwise I can guarantee that so many other kids are raped everyday but we never hear about them.

I have also heard of so many cases which took place in rich and highly educated families which clearly shows that this problem is not limited amongst poor or illiterate class. I went through a very interesting conversation about Damini rape case in January when I was traveling on a train from Pune to Varanasi. I was in non AC sleeper class which is mostly used by lower middle class families. All of the people around me where from Bihar who were working in Pune and now going back home on vacations. I heard them talking about how do they find people living in Pune so different than the people living in Bihar. They were saying that all of the young people of Pune waste their whole time with their partners because the parents have got a lot of money and kids don’t care about their future at all.

They were also saying that they see young couples kissing in public spaces or showing other form of PDAs which cause frustration amongst the people like themselves who come from other cities or states where they never see such thing happening. They said that Damini was also raped because of such reason. The people who raped her came from Bihar, and as per the people sitting on the train, it was not their fault that they raped Damini but it was Damini’s fault that she was out with her friends in midnight watching a movie. They were saying that the people who move to big cities to work always leave their wives back at home. And if they see such activities like kissing or something else then they also feel like having sex and since their wives are home, either they have quit their job to go back home or find someone in city where they are at that moment.

And definitely nobody would quit the job, instead rape someone in the city. It was a horrible communication but at the same time it showed the mind set of such people. PDAs is serious issue in India. I know that everyone wants to do it but they don’t because of the local culture. But its becoming more and more common which means more and more people are upset with it. I have heard several incidents when a couple was beaten only because they were found kissing. There is a park very close to my place and it has become kind of love nest amongst young people of my city. I know so many people living around the park area who say that every evening they hide somewhere behind the trees trying to find a couple kissing or doing something else and if anyone is found then they either throw stones at them or just jump in between and say that they also want to kiss the girl or just chase them away and later disturb the girl.

I have noticed if people find a couple kissing then they thinking that the girl wants to be kissed, just by anyone and hence they also deserve a kiss. I used to go sit behind the park every night with my friends, have some beer and enjoy the quietness. I noticed certain people who would come every day with a flash light and try to look everyone sitting here and there. It was a very strange thing to see same people every day and once I asked my friends from that neighborhood about those people and they said that these people basically try to find couples kissing or having sex. And if any couple is found doing anything other than talking then problem for them. These people threaten the couples and in some cases beat the boy, kick him out and then have sex with the girl. I have talked with so many people about what do they think about a couple kissing in a park or just at any other public space and most of them have really strange ideas.

I was once talking with one of my friends, who is my age and is a software engineer and he said that if a couple is beaten because they were found kissing in public then there is nothing wrong with it. He thinks that public places are open for all aged people and kissing is something very very sexual and private. In fact he  asked me how would I react if I see a couple kissing in a park where I am present with my family. I don’t know what would I do, most probably just not pay attention to them and let them enjoy their private moment. I have no idea what is the reason behind all these problems but rapes have made the situation worse and it seems like its not going to change soon. But if I have to make a guess about my society, I would say it’s the Police, government of India, late and corrupt judiciary, some cultural problems and regular sick mind which is causing all these problems.

Police is 100% corrupt and they never want to register complaints because if they register a case then it becomes their responsibility to clear it and in any case any Indian police officer can be bought by offering some money. Corruption in police has caused serious problems in India. I feel like Police is somehow responsible for all of the problems we have in India. Late judiciary is also a very big problem in India which basically somehow motivates people to do crime. People know that if the go to a court then it will take 30-40 years for so called judgment to come. And in any case there is always a way : after district court, its high court : after high court, its supreme court : after supreme court, it’s the parliament and after parliament it’s the president where one can appeal. I know several people who were able to get the hearing delayed just by offering a few hundred rupees as a bribe.

Government also makes so many promises but never does anything. All of the political parties do politics in the name of caste, religion and region. They have nothing to do with development, education or any other issue that we are facing. I think that governments can do anything if they are committed to make a change but they don’t have any interest in such issues. Nature is dying, crime has increased, poverty is increasing, inflation is on top, scams are the biggest in the world…but government has no time to think about these serious issues. They are always busy in talking bullshit and doing scams.  India has so many problems coming from its culture. For an example, the problem of hierarchy on the basis of somebody’s caste or wealth. People evaluate themselves by their caste and literally talk about it in their regular conversations.

I know many people who belong to Kshatriya caste and they always say that they have politics in their blood, they are always the best fighters because they belong to Kashtriya caste…although they are really stupid. The male dominant culture in India is also causing such problem like discrimination and violence against women. I find present India really weird because woman power is worshiped by worshiping Goddesses when they are dead statues but real woman are raped so brutally that it becomes an International news. India, particularly Hindus, have a great concept of respecting woman. In fact the term used for women is Shakti which means power but I don’t know where all these concepts are lost? Female infanticide, depressed woman, violence and discrimination… after looking at the present condition of woman in India, it doesn’t seem like there is any concept of worshiping Goddesses or respecting Goddess power at all.

I am upset, India is upset, Mother India is crying and we need to change the situation. Lets pray that India gets its glory again and we become a really great nation where there is no discrimination against anyone….

A painting at Assi ghat

A painting at Assi ghat

Public Display of Affection in Europe and India

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a young couple walking in Budapest

Public display of affection is something not seen at all in India. Actually its very strange here. The people who love each other are not supposed to show any physical intimacy in public whereas regular friends can hug each other, hold hands and sometimes kiss on cheeks. Holding hands and hugging is the most common act of physical intimacy seen in India amongst same sex person but it doesn’t mean that they are homosexuals. Its again very strange that homosexuals never want to hold hands, hug or kiss each other in public because homosexuality is very very hidden and homosexual people don’t want to express their sexuality. I have met so many Europeans and Americans who always thought that same sex people holdings hand of each other are homosexual because this is how it works in their world.

a middle aged couple in Vienna

Usually friends do such things and there is no idea making love behind it. If people see a couple kissing or hugging they want to watch it. Holding hands is kind of becoming common and is not kind of issue anymore in big Indian cities. Anyways, I have also grown up in the same culture where I never saw any act of physical intimacy in public. My city gets a lot of western people from all over the world who some time kiss and hug in public so at least people in my city have an idea about it. Every once in a while we see some crazy drunk westerner making love on the street. Making love doesn’t mean having sex but finding a westerner kissing or hugging is not something unknown to the people of Varanasi. Doesn’t matter whether they have seen it or not but they are very well aware of this culture.

an old couple in Vienna

I think that having sex or watching people having sex has always been one of the biggest attractions amongst us humans in our whole history. But the world has changed a lot within past a few decades. There are several countries and cultures where sex is discussed, is opened (doesn’t mean in public: in fact there are places where people can go in groups and have sex but is usually a group activity rather than a public activity), people have a choice and it is seen in a very different way than the it is seen in my culture and country. This idea of watching people making love or just seeing them in their undergarments is very exciting for Indians because we just don’t see such thing happening. And whenever we see someone in such condition, most of the time they are western people.

an old couple in Vienna

I am very well aware that a lot of people go to places like Goa in India just to watch western woman in bikinis. In fact, when I went to Goa first time in my life it was also to watch western girls in bikinis and find cheap alcohol. To be honest most of the woman I saw in Goa were old with ugly bodies:) Still when I see someone kissing on the street my eyes like to stop and watch it. But I usually try to avoid it because I don’t like to disturb people but my mind still talks with me about that picture while I am trying not to watch them. I think situation should be the same with most of the Indians, even the ones who try not to watch people kissing or making love. And I don’t really mind it because we just don’t see such thing happening and foreigners should also learn about these cultural issues before coming here and try to respect and be respected. But at the same time we can’t blame foreigners either because it is very important part of their culture.

a newly married couple in Buda

Anyways, I got to travel to Europe (Hungary, Austria and Slovakia) , in fact anywhere out of India for first time in my life a few weeks ago. Everything was different than what I was used to hence everything was a shock, in fact very interesting shock. I don’t want to discuss about all those things in this post but I would like to discuss the idea of the importance of physical intimacy and public display of affection. I had started seeing couples kissing, holding hands, sitting on the lap, caressing, nestling… as soon as I crossed the immigration area at Delhi airport. The most interesting thing was that very good percentage of Indians were also involved in such act who usually never do such thing in public.

a young couple in Vienna

It seemed like they had planned to do it as soon as they leave India but could not wait for the flight to land:) haha. Maybe they had not planned it together with their partners but they had planned it with themselves for sure. Experience make us feel comfortable and I could easily see that Indians were not comfortable doing what they wanted to and looked completely inexperienced. hahaha. I am sure that they did not want to do sex in public but they just did not know what they were doing. They didn’t seem comfortable even in touching each other but they were trying their best. I am not making fun of those people I saw at the airport but It was really funny and interesting both for a person like me to see them. Because I just don’t see such thing happening in my society by the locals and they had changed their as soon as they crossed immigration area at the airport.

even statues were making love

When I arrived in Europe I saw people kissing and hugging just everywhere even inside a church. They were very comfortable with it and it seemed like it was just not an issue at all. I saw people kissing in the train, at the crossings, shopping malls, restaurants, zoo…just everywhere. It seems like kissing is as important as meat to Europeans. I saw all aged people, literally as young as 14 years old kissing in public. Kissing seems very important to Europeans. Once I saw a young shop keeper smooching her boyfriend in front of the customer and the customer waiting for them to finish.

couples at Szimplakart pub in Budapest

I was very well aware about this culture in Europe years before I went there but I was still surprised when I saw it first and my first few days were shocking for me in terms of seeing people making love on the street. I think I had stopped noticing or watching it after a week or so but it was something which won’t go out of my mind soon. In fact once I was discussing this issue with my host Attila and told him about how I saw Indians involved in physical intimation in public at Delhi airport or in Hungary or other European countries I visited and Attila was so surprised and he asked me why Indians don’t do such things in India also if they like to do it.

men and women dancing together at a cultural event in Kesthai, Budapest

Attila had already spent more than an year and half living in India and he was very well aware of what I was talking about. I did not know how to make him understand but his question was very genuine that why don’t we do it if we like to do it? I knew the answer but it was hard for an European mind to understand. Sex is very very hidden in India, even talking about it with parents and unknown people is something which just doesn’t happen. Everyone does sex but they don’t want to talk about it. I have met so many people, to be honest all of the people all I meet, who find such sexual acts like cunnilingus and several other sex positions very exciting but they never want to admit that they do it with their partners and always relate with something coming from the western world which is very dirty, disgusting and unnatural. haha

temple art in Khajuraho, India

I am sure that everyone does it but they just don’t admit, even when they are talking with their friends. It is again very interesting for me to see why people relate such sexual acts with western world when all of them are mentioned in Kamasutra or if they are present on the temples of Khajuraho and several others all over India. I think we were practicing all of those acts way before western people started talking about it, at least it was very open part of the society thousands of years before the first sex museum was opened in the world or anyone ever tried to document sex in this whole world. Anyways, my issue is about present India so I should about present.

A young couple in Bratislava, Slovakia

I just mean to say that sex is a very very hidden act in India which is one of the reason why we don’t see public display of affection in India. The second biggest reason behind this issue is the safety of woman in India, woman rights issues and in fact safety of couples also who dare to show physical intimacy in public. It was hard for Attila to understand why someone could be upset by watching others kissing but I understand it very well. Anyways, Attila only seemed upset and I could not satisfy him with my answers. The world knows how Shiv Sena was targeting people celebrating Valentines Day in India. If we try to learn how they were protesting against the festival then we can see that they were not actually looking for people celebrating the festival but mostly they were targeting the couples.

In fact kissing is seen as a form of greeting also in western culture. Men are kissing each other in a wedding part for greeting.

They wanted to beat the couples who were found together watching cinema, hanging around in the park or other public places. So it clearly means that they were protesting against the people and not the festival itself. And I know it very well that the all the people who were protesting against the festival either had a partner whom they went out with to celebrate festival the same day or definitely they wanted to have someone. And I personally know so many people from my own city, who were part of the Shiv Sena and were targeting people celebrating the festival, now are either married with the someone whom they loved or they have girlfriend.

a view of Rajdari waterfall from Devdari

Only after a week after I returned from Europe I went to visit a water fall 50 KMs from Varanasi called Raj Dari. This water fall is a very famous picnic spot for people living in Varanasi and nearby districts and hundreds of people visit the fall on Sundays during rainy season. I was there to find rock paintings and to watch people. The whole region of Chandauli district has several sites with ancient rock paintings and tree fossils which are said to be around 1400 million years old. While I was looking for ancient rock paintings I heard a group of people shouting which made me look at them

Couples bathing together in public is no problem in Europe

It was a group of like 15-20 men, all different aged, mostly young who were taking a bath. A young girl who was wearing Punjabi suit was also taking a bath hardly 20 meters away from them. She was with her boy friend and wearing Punjabi suit mean her whole body was covered with cloth. That group of 15 men was taunting at her. They were calling her with the name black panty. And they were doing it repeatedly in front of hundreds of other people who were there. They were taunting such things like- call us also, we are also very good…

usual scene at bathing places in Europe

The couple was doing nothing other than taking a bath, even they were not kissing or doing anything which can be considered as a sexual act. Her dress was also not different than bathing dress of woman in India. I am 100% sure that it happened with her only because she was with her boyfriend. Most probably such thing would have not happened with her if she was with her parents. It happens with woman even when they are with their families as well but it is more likely to face such situation when they are with their boyfriends. The girl was so nervous and uncomfortable with the situation that she came out of the water and walked away from there.

Even when she was walking away another group also joined and they all started taunting at her with vulgar languages. I know that such things are less likely to happen in big cities and one of the biggest reason behind why such happened is because those people were locals and there was no security at all. But the question that raised in my mind was-

  • Does a girl need security if she wants to take a bath at a water fall?
  • Are couples not allowed to be together?
  • What do such people think about the the couples who kiss or hug, do the think that the girl wants to be kissed and hugged by just anyone on the street or do they think that she is a slut?
  • What about freedom to express your feelings?
  • What about constitution of India which allows us to choose our life partner?
  • What about constitution of us human beings which allows us to live and let others live?

a couple in Bratislava, Slovakia

There are thousands of questions but its very sad that because of such practices we just don’t have any answer for them. The bitter truth is that if we try to study the mentality of such people then we find out that if they see a girl doing anything which can be considers a sexual act, even kissing or hugging, the girl is immediately thought to be a slut who is wanting such thing to be done with herself by just anyone. In small Indian cities and villages If a girl is found in relationship with anyone boy then people talk about it and now the whole neighborhood wants to try that girl out.

I don’t know what is right or wrong but it was really upsetting for me to see how that girl was being taunted and abused only because she was with her boyfriend. The radical and nationalist groups in India relate such things with something coming from the western world and we should not allow such things because it is against Indian culture. But I think we as a human have a human culture before we get into any particular country’s culture. Love, hate, emotions, feelings are natural human behavior and it just can’t be stopped. And in any case if something hurts us then we should try to control ourselves first and then think about others.

I still don’t know whether my Indian system is better than what I saw in Europe or not but one thing is very sure that woman are living in very tough condition in India. If we just look at this data it can easily tell the story about woman in India. But one thing I would like say for sure that whatever I saw in Europe looked really lovely and I saw Indians also enjoying it in Europe and missing in their own country. Jai Hind. I got a funny picture online which shows the difference I am trying to talk about-

Mumbai Gay Pride 2011

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rainbow flag at the parade

Mumbai, the place of most happening Gay events in India hosted its gay pride march on 29th of January and I went to attend it. The parade was organized by Humsafar Trust which is the biggest organization working on LGBT rights in Maharastra. They used to celebrate the pride on 16th of August every year but this year date was changed because of hot weather conditions in Mumbai in the month of August. They used to celebrate pride on the 16th because they believe that India got independence on the 15th of August 1947 but the gay community in India never got independence hence they started celebrating pride on the next day of independence day.

Celina Jaitely at the parade

I had already been to the Mumbai pride parade in 2009 so I also felt that it was good decision to change the date. Anyways, the parade started from the same place where it started last year- Azad Maidan and ended at Girgaum Chowpatty. It was like 5-6 Kms walk. At least a few hundred people had already gathered before I arrived at Azad Maidan and they had speeches going on. Only after a few minutes Celina Jaitely, a very famous Bollywood actress, arrived which brought extra energy amongst the participants. Celina has always been interested in LGBT issues and has been supporting the NGOs working on it. Once she admitted that her ex-boyfriend was a homosexual. She is one of the biggest names working on LGBT issues in India. I have seen her several interviews on TV and newspapers where she talks about equal rights for LGBT community.  I had seen her in 2009 parade as well. It is nice that such celebrities participate in the pride event.

Azaad Bazaar

After a speech from Celina and other social activists the parade finally started. I saw something new this year that Humsafar Trust opened India’s first LGBT friendly store in Mumbai and they were advertising it in the parade. The shop is called Azaad Bazaar means independent store in Hindi. The liked the idea of having a special place for LGBT community because there is huge discrimination against them in India, they are made fun of. They do not feel comfortable just everywhere. And if there are such places like Azaad Bazaar then the LGBT community people could go shopping freely and meet up. In fact such places could bring change into the society because they are 365 days an year advertisement place. They are visible places and if straight community people see it then at least they would talk about it for sure and I always believe that communication can solve a lot of problems.

the parade

The parade started with at least 1500 people but soon it turned into a happy parade event of at least 2500-3000 people. The entire road was full of participants dancing and cheering up. There were people from many different places, even foreign countries.This year parade was also mix of tradition and modern culture. I got to see the most modern looking people in whole India and at the same time there were so many groups who had dressed very traditionally and were performing traditional dances and were singing traditional songs.

Laxmi Narayan Tripathi

I had once asked an officer at the Humsafar Trust about why there were so many people dressed very traditionally and he said that it is done intentionally so that Mumbai pride parade doesn’t become completely western and it is always easier to get acceptance if local culture in involved in it. And since India has the oldest gay culture in the whole world, it is always nice to mix the gay events with traditions and culture. I loved this idea. Anyways, the parade was full of joy, happiness and freedom. I saw less people wearing masks this year which clearly means that the LGBT community in Mumbai is becoming open and is fighting for their rights. Laxmi Narayan Tripathi, a famous Hijra social activist, also joined the parade. She is just awesome. I have already met her several times, interviewed her and I like her a lot. I think she is the most famous Hijra in the whole world.

God loves everyone

I was noticing a person for a while but did not know who he was. He was dressed like a king and I had seen him in 2009 parade also. I asked a friend and he said that he belonged to a royal family from Gujrat and was an open gay. His name was Manvendra Singh Gohil. After he revealed his homosexuality, there was some tension in the royal family and he finally started working with LGBT community in India. He started his work first with the LGBT community in Gujrat. He has in fact announced that he would adopt a child. It was nice to see big names coming out in the society and accepting their sexuality and demanding for equal rights. It was especially nice of Mr. Gohil because he comes from a royal family in India and royal families are very important for the society. If they make any changes then the society accepts it easily the same way change in the caste system along with a lot of other changes were accepted without any question.

support

I also noticed more family support this year. I saw a few people with writings like I am proud of my gay son or grand son. I saw a writing saying proud of my gay brother. I am sure that the people who are proud of their gay family members are not even one percent in number but I see the change, more and more people are accepting LGBT community. The parade finally ended at the Girgaum Chowpaty with a few speeches from social activists demanding for equal rights for LGBT community. India has already legalized gay sex practices and now they are demanding for legalizing gay marriages and equal rights. I am not sure if the situation is going to change soon. Doesn’t matter whether government allows gay marriages or not or whether they promise equal rights or not but society is not going to change soon. I have not personally seen any change in the ideas for LGBT community amongst the people of India.

great

But the good thing is that at least people have started talking about it. I see more open gay couples in the society which is a clear indication of change. But I think LGBT community is also a little bit responsible for discrimination amongst them. Sometimes they do strange things like I saw a couple of people opening their pants and showing their genitalia to the people. They were kissing each other on the main road which is not seen in India. I am not against the idea of kissing each other but I believe that if such thing is not practiced in India openly on the road then they should also not do this.

society

They won’t become part of the mainstream society until they start acting like mainstream. I believe that human feeling is same doesn’t matter whether they are gay or straight but there are some social rules and everyone should follow it. Anyways, it was good to attend the parade learn more about the community. I plan to attend the parade next year as well with a better camera. I could not make videos or interview people this year but next year I will definitely come up with more digital records of the event.

Happy Ending of the Parade

Please click here for more pictures of the pride parade-

Osho ashram Pune

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I visited Pune with friends for a few hours but these few hours seemed enough to get a taste of the city. It was just like any other metropolitan Indian city but there was definitely something special about Pune. We visited an area where all the IT companies were situated and this visit was just awesome. I saw offices of all the big IT names I had ever heard of. Infosys, Wipro, TCS, Infosys, Wipro, TCS… all these huge IT companies had their offices there. The architecture also seemed completely unusual but very impressive. The buildings had strange shape but they were looking very nice. I am sure the best IT techniques were used to design those buildings.

There was construction going on everywhere in the city. Big glass window buildings were everywhere with a lot of traffic on the road which was just like any other big Indian city. After visiting the IT park we decided to visit Osho Ashram in Pune. This ashram was just hilarious. When I think about an Ashram, I think about a very simple place where a lot of religious practices are going on but this ashram was just like a five star hotel with all the rich people from all over the world living in it. There was a reception counter at the entrance where I saw one Indian and one foreigner talking in English, first shock.

When we went to him asking what was going on there and how could we go in he gave us a pamphlet explain the rules of entering in the ashram. There was an entry fee of Rs. 850 just to visit the ashram for a day. They needed everyone to have HIV test done before they come and if visitors don’t have HIV test done they get tested at the ashram before entering in. I just could not imagine why somebody would need HIV test in order to get in an ashram but then I learnt that Osho was really serious about HIV and AIDS and his approach to sex was also different.

But still I did not understand what kind of approach makes you get HIV testing done before meeting someone and then a few locals told me that it is very easy to find people to have sex with inside the ashram hence it is necessary to have HIV testing done. If this is the case then it was very smart decision to have people HIV testing done before getting in the ashram but it was really unusual. Anyways, this five start ashram offers rooms for Rs. 5000 per day. I am 100% sure that anyone can find a really luxury nice hotel room for this much of money in India but again five star ashram deserves five star money. I enjoyed talking and learning about the ashram. Hope to have enough money to stay at the ashram someday and experience a five star ashram:)

 

 

Widows in Varanasi

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I worked with a student named Irine from the University of Venice who wanted to study widows in Varanasi, focusing specifically on the issue of prostitution among widows in widow ashrams. She explained that her interest was sparked by the film *Water*. Although I found the subject compelling, I was initially uncertain about finding widows to interview about prostitution. Nevertheless, the topic intrigued me, so I agreed to collaborate with her. I conducted some research and discovered a government-run widow ashram near my home.

Upon visiting, we found about 18 widows living at the ashram. The facility was in poor condition: while there was a garden and open space, the building itself appeared to be from the early 1900s and was not well maintained. An office staff member informed us that a wealthy pilgrim from Kolkata had once visited Varanasi, met a widow at a ghat, and was moved by her story. This encounter led him to fund the construction of the ashram, which was later handed over to the government. It is currently managed by the Department of Women Welfare for Uttar Pradesh.

This is the only government-run widow ashram in the entire state of Uttar Pradesh. The woman in charge of the office was receptive to Irine’s project and allowed us to interview the widows. The ashram is divided into two sections: one for widows who are able to care for themselves and another for those who are physically unfit. Each widow receives only Rs. 550 (US$ 12) per month from the government. We were told by both the widows and the office in charge that no government funds had been received for the past three months, leaving the widows without any financial support.

The office in charge mentioned that local donors, who regularly contribute to the ashram, are essential for the widows’ survival. Without these donations, the government stipend alone would be insufficient. It is difficult to imagine how one could survive on Rs. 550 a month. The widows who are capable of managing on their own live on the ground floor, while those who are older or in poor health reside on the first floor. The government provides each widow with a small gas stove for cooking, but they must prepare their own meals. The ashram has a kitchen where food is prepared for those who cannot cook for themselves, with the cooking done by office staff. There is also a washing machine for laundry, though I am unsure who operates it.

The rooms are spacious, with four beds in each. Irine was particularly interested in exploring the issue of prostitution among widows, but I was uncertain how to approach this sensitive topic with women who were all over 65, with some over 80. We decided to visit the ashram multiple times, building rapport with the widows and staff to see if any information might emerge. We also inquired about other widow ashrams in Varanasi and were directed to two additional locations. One was very close to my place, called Mata Anandmayi Ashram.

At Mata Anandmayi Ashram, we discovered that it primarily functions as a religious school for girls. The peon mentioned that there were over 20 widows there as well, but the manager was extremely uncooperative. He denied that they housed any widows, which was puzzling. We were unable to speak with anyone other than the rude manager and peon. We then visited Birla Ashram at Chowk, Varanasi, which was established by the Birla family. There were around 20 widows residing there, but we couldn’t speak with any of them on our first visit.

We encountered a woman who was not a widow but was staying there thanks to her IAS officer husband, who had arranged a room for her due to her religious interests. She was uncooperative and prevented us from speaking with the widows. She asked us to return after a few days as she wanted to consult someone in Kolkata first. We returned after a few days and fortunately, the woman was not present. We managed to speak with a widow, but she was busy at the time. She told us that most of the widows at Birla Ashram work as cooks in various households and that the ashram only provides them with a room.

The disparity in support and conditions between the ashrams was striking. Some widows, particularly those who were unable to work, seemed to receive little more than a place to stay. When a widow dies, the ashram informs the family; if no one comes, the body is cremated, sometimes traditionally and sometimes using an electric burner. The stories of the widows were both heartbreaking and enlightening. Many were forced to leave their homes due to harsh circumstances: some were expelled by their own children or daughters-in-law, while others chose to leave to avoid being a burden. A common thread among them was early marriage, with some married as young as 6 or 7 years old.

I met several women married at such a young age, and many lost their husbands by the time they were only 10, never having lived with them. One remarkable woman from Chennai, who was the most educated and articulate of all the widows we met, shared a particularly poignant story. Married at seven, she spent four years living with her parents before moving in with her husband at eleven, only to be separated from him for a year due to family traditions. After her husband’s death, she lived with her parents and later with her sister. Feeling like a burden, she initially came to Varanasi to commit suicide but was saved by a boat rower and sent to the ashram. Her story was deeply moving and highlighted her resilience.

She described South Indian widow traditions, which differ somewhat from North Indian practices. For instance, after a husband’s death, a South Indian widow’s head is shaved, and she is separated from others while sarees are thrown at her from a distance. In South India, widows are permitted to wear either white or red sarees, whereas in North India, only white is allowed. The practice of throwing sarees is not something I have heard of in North India, but considering the conditions faced by widows, it’s not entirely inconceivable.

When we asked all the widows why someone becomes a widow, they all agreed with the belief that it is due to some sin from their past life. However, they felt that the sins of widowers are not as severe. Widows are expected to follow stringent rules, such as abstaining from tasty food, not interacting with men, not going out, not wearing colorful clothes, and avoiding celebrations. Most widows believed these restrictions were necessary to atone for their sins and avoid punishment in the afterlife.

Regarding remarriage, only a few widows felt it was acceptable; most viewed contemporary widows who remarry or dress in colorful clothes negatively. The general sentiment was that widows should adhere strictly to traditional practices. The prevailing view among the widows was that they were marginalized and discriminated against, particularly in Varanasi. They are often excluded from weddings and considered bad luck. It is disheartening to see such practices, which seem disconnected from the core values of Hinduism, which I believe should emphasize equality and respect for all individuals.

This experience has taught me a great deal. The systemic issues and historical practices that have contributed to the plight of women in India are profound. While education is crucial for addressing these problems, the current state of educational and social reform suggests that change may be slow. It is clear that addressing these deep-seated issues requires not only better education but also comprehensive social and policy reforms.

Guide training program – week 6

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The final week of classroom teaching has concluded, and it was a diverse and insightful week. We covered a range of topics including Jaipur, Indo-Islamic architecture, emergency procedures, gems and jewelry, Jainism, the business history of India, and project report preparation. While all the classes were informative, the one on “Things to Do in Any Emergency” stood out as the most memorable. The class was delivered by a retired Air India air hostess, and her approach was refreshingly candid.

She covered essential topics such as medical emergencies, sex, homosexuality, HIV/AIDS, and other STIs. Her openness about these subjects was unprecedented in our training. She provided practical advice on what to do if a tourist makes inappropriate sexual advances. She emphasized that while it is ultimately our choice whether to engage in such activities, if we decide to proceed, using condoms is crucial to reduce the risk of STI transmission. Her focus on HIV/AIDS was particularly notable; she shared her own experiences from her career in the service sector, highlighting the importance of safe practices.

Her discussion on homosexuality was equally enlightening. Although I was already familiar with the basics, many in the class found it new and eye-opening. She encouraged participants to embrace their sexuality and communicate openly with their families. She also discussed recent legal advancements, such as the High Court judgment supporting LGBTQ+ rights in India. She criticized the outdated belief that homosexuality is a disease and debunked the misconception that marriage to an opposite-sex partner could “cure” it.

The air hostess’s candidness about such sensitive topics was striking. In a setting where discussing sex and sexuality is often taboo, her willingness to address these issues was both bold and appreciated. The lecture was engaging and left a significant impact on everyone. On the final day of the week, all participants gathered in the institute’s auditorium for a certificate presentation. This certificate will be useful for engaging with government officials regarding our projects. Female participants were specially acknowledged on stage to encourage their participation, with the institute stressing the need for more female tour guides in the Indian tourism industry.

Overall, the week was both educational and inspiring, providing us with valuable knowledge and practical skills for our future careers.

Interview with sex workers

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We interviewed several sex workers in Kolkata for the documentary, and I was fortunate to serve as the interpreter between them and Seranna, which allowed me to speak with them personally. One notable observation was that many of the sex workers we spoke with had entered the profession after experiencing significant hardships in their lives. For example, I spoke with a sex worker originally from Faizabad, now residing in Kolkata. She shared that she had married a Muslim man against her family’s wishes, leading her to leave her home and move to Kolkata.

After spending a few months in Kolkata, she discovered that her husband was a drug user. Despite her repeated pleas for him to quit drugs and find a job, he refused to change. When she had a child, their financial situation became dire, as her husband was unemployed and she couldn’t seek help from her family due to the conflict caused by her interfaith marriage. Faced with these challenges, she decided to leave her home and turn to sex work at a brothel. She is now happy with her life, feeling that it is better than what her husband could provide.

She enjoys a newfound independence and freedom, and has even rebuilt her relationship with her family. Initially, there were issues when her family learned she had become a sex worker, but those conflicts have since been resolved. Notably, she worked as a program coordinator for Durbar, the sex workers’ organization. Her role brought her into the public eye, and when her neighbors from her hometown saw her on TV discussing sex work, they began inquiring about her parents. Her parents urged her to leave the profession, but she is resolute in her decision to remain a sex worker. She is very content with her life and even hopes to continue in this profession in her next life.

When asked about her wishes for her child, she expressed a desire for them to attend school and secure a stable job. However, a significant challenge for sex workers is getting their children admitted to school. Most sex workers in India lack residential proof, as many are brought from countries like Nepal or Bangladesh, or they frequently change their residences. Because many sex workers come from other countries, or even if they are from within India, they often lack residential proof. This is due to frequent changes in their place of residence or the controlling nature of brothel owners.

Typically, sex workers are not permitted to leave the brothel area. While some may work at hotels, this opportunity is limited. Brothel owners usually only send those who have been with them for several years, as these workers are considered less likely to run away. In some cases, brothel owners also send someone along with the sex workers when they go to hotels to ensure they remain under control. Another major issue for sex workers is the low income they earn from their profession. In India, sex work is very inexpensive, and sex workers often lack social identity and security.

Typically, they charge between Rs. 50-100 per client, as sex work is usually brief—clients often engage in sex for just 5-10 minutes and then leave. Sometimes, they do not even see the face of the person they are with. Both sex workers and clients prefer to keep their identities hidden, which contributes to the clandestine nature of the work. Sometimes, sex workers spend up to an hour with a single client, earning around Rs. 500 for that session. However, this is not the norm. Typically, they see numerous clients each day, often making only Rs. 50 per client after giving half of their earnings to the brothel owner.

Though they might have a few regular clients who are more generous and even book overnight sessions, these opportunities are rare. The majority of their income is minimal, forcing them to see more than ten clients daily, which takes a significant physical and emotional toll on them. Due to the lack of residential proof, sex workers struggle to open bank accounts or access services that require identity verification. In India, stringent checks for residential documents have become more common since the Mumbai bomb blasts, exacerbating the difficulties faced by sex workers. If they are caught without proper documentation, they risk being sent to jail.

Many sex workers reported that police raids are frequent, during which they are often beaten, abused, or imprisoned. Ironically, the same officers who conduct these raids sometimes return the following day to solicit sexual services from them. The sex workers explained that brothel owners typically pay local police stations a bribe each month to avoid raids. Despite this, the police still conduct raids when there is political pressure or an opportunity for personal gain. Some sex workers recounted disturbing experiences where police officers took them to jail and sexually assaulted them there. It was deeply shocking to hear how those meant to uphold the law were instead violating it.

They also mentioned that, in some cases, the police have even targeted the children of sex workers, which was particularly horrifying and hard to believe. When we asked sex workers about their services, most said they do not perform oral sex or offer massages to their clients. Only one woman admitted to giving oral sex, but only to select clients. In India, discussing oral sex is taboo, and it is often not mentioned by sex workers. This reluctance is surprising, as providing such services could potentially increase their earnings. The reasons for this silence are unclear, but some believe it is considered an “English style” of sex, though it may have historical roots in India. It’s possible that this practice was introduced by the British and then spread globally.

One of the sex workers shared a story from the early days of Durbar’s efforts to provide basic literacy and education. Durbar sought to rent a room from the local community to start their classes. Despite their best efforts, which included approaching nearly everyone in the neighborhood over a two-month period, no one agreed to rent them a space. Many residents questioned Durbar’s motives, arguing that educating sex workers would lead them to disrespect others and make their own decisions. As a result, Durbar had to set up the classes at their own office, which was about a kilometer away from the brothels.

Another interesting observation was that many sex workers have a regular client who holds a special place in their lives. This client is not merely a customer but acts like a life partner, often providing support for the sex worker’s children. One significant challenge for sex workers is getting their children admitted to school, as they are required to provide the name of the child’s father. Since this can be difficult due to their circumstances, some of these special clients step in and provide their name as the father, helping the sex workers with the admission process.

We also inquired about sexually transmitted diseases, and, frankly, most sex workers were only aware of HIV. They knew about lubricants but had limited knowledge beyond that. Despite using condoms, they reported frequent breakage, which they attributed mainly to poor-quality condoms. I believe that using lubricant could help prevent such issues. Before meeting Lane, I had never seen lubricant myself, and I’m puzzled as to why it’s not readily available in our market. The sex workers clearly need more comprehensive training and education on sexual health, but unfortunately, the government is doing little to address these needs.

All the sex workers we spoke to expressed a strong belief that sex work should be decriminalized, a sentiment I share. I consider sex work to be one of the world’s oldest professions, possibly even the oldest, alongside agriculture. Legalizing and decriminalizing it is crucial, as sex workers are an integral part of society and deserve the same respect as anyone else. Unfortunately, achieving this change in India will likely be a prolonged struggle, given the current state of our politics. Often, when one political faction attempts to make progress on this issue, others obstruct their efforts. Despite these challenges, organizations like Durbar are making commendable strides, and I remain hopeful for meaningful change in the future.

Life of an Indian Woman

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Nisha, my neighbor, moved into the neighborhood four years ago after marrying my friend’s brother. She’s also a friend of my wife’s. My wife told me that Nisha’s life before marriage was incredibly difficult. Her parents were very poor. A cousin, a government employee, would help Nisha’s family, but not out of familial obligation. Instead, he used this as leverage to sexually abuse her. He forced himself on her, threatening to stop helping her family if she resisted. Nisha was terrified and helpless. Even in front of friends, her cousin would harass her.

She could only cry and submit to his demands. This abuse continued for years, both before and after her marriage, whenever she visited her family. Now, her cousin blackmails her, threatening to tell her husband about their past if she doesn’t continue the abuse. Fear of her husband finding out keeps Nisha from cutting ties with her family. My wife told me this story, but I also witnessed firsthand what happened to Nisha after her marriage, as she lives nearby and is my friend’s sister-in-law. Immediately after the wedding, she faced immense pressure for dowry. Her husband would beat her and demand money from her family, but her parents were too poor to help.

Despite the abuse, she refused to ask her parents for money. Her mother-in-law would also mistreat her, denying her husband the right to sleep with her. They lived in separate rooms until the mother-in-law passed away. Nisha was responsible for all household chores, including cooking, cleaning, and laundry, while enduring constant abuse. She couldn’t even share a bed with her husband. Eventually, the stress took a toll on her mental health, but her husband neglected her. He sent her back to her parents’ home, where she stayed for six to seven months recovering. During this time, she was again abused by her cousin. When Nisha returned to her husband’s family, her problems were far from over. The beatings continued, and her husband persisted in demanding money from her parents.

The passing of her mother-in-law marked the end of one challenge, but the beginning of another. Nisha’s sister-in-law stepped into her mother-in-law’s role, treating her with similar cruelty. However, unlike her mother-in-law, she didn’t interfere with Nisha’s relationship with her husband. Nisha eventually gave birth to a son, which likely provided her with some relief. Had she given birth to a daughter, the situation could have been dire. Her abusive husband might have rejected a female child. It’s possible that she underwent a prenatal ultrasound to determine the baby’s sex, given her family’s history of harmful actions.

Nisha’s son is now one year old, but her sister-in-law continues to interfere. She tries to alienate Nisha from her child, keeping the baby busy and preventing Nisha from bonding with him. Nisha’s other sister-in-law plays a similar role, constantly engaging with the baby and providing care. Nisha longs to see her baby, but her husband and sister-in-law prevent her from doing so. About seven months ago, when the baby was only five months old, Nisha’s husband sent the child to his other sister in Delhi. Despite still breastfeeding, Nisha was abruptly forced to stop. The engorgement caused her immense pain, and she cried out in agony.

She desperately wanted her baby to feed, but he was far away. Her husband was absent at the time. Neighbors heard her cries and rushed her to the hospital. By the time she arrived, she had fainted. The doctor insisted that she breastfeed immediately, warning that the engorgement could be fatal. Concerned neighbors contacted Nisha’s husband, hoping for his cooperation. Instead, he began beating her in the hospital. The doctor recommended admitting Nisha to relieve the engorgement, but her husband refused. He called his sister, who had the baby in Delhi.

Her husband’s abuse escalated. Nisha suggested that he ask the doctor to stop her milk production, hoping to end the pain. Reluctantly, he agreed, and the doctor took steps to suppress her lactation. However, the pain persisted. The doctor urged Nisha’s husband to admit her to the hospital, but he refused. Instead, he brought her home and continued to abuse her. She was locked in a room for days without any medical care. All she could do was cry. Nisha’s husband and sister-in-law want the baby to forget his mother so they can keep him and force Nisha out of the family. They intentionally torture her, hoping she will leave, die, or disappear.

Nisha has lost all hope. She can’t even return to her impoverished parents. Neighbors are concerned and want to intervene, but Nisha forbids them, fearing that her family would retaliate violently. Nisha’s situation is dire, and something must be done. This is a clear consequence of our cultural bias that prioritizes males over females. While Hinduism traditionally respects women, this reverence has been eroded over time. Even young girls are revered in certain rituals. Our culture values women highly, but the implementation of this respect has faltered.

India is often touted as a developing nation, but this development is incomplete without gender equality. The progress of only male-dominated sectors is insufficient. Despite having a large number of professional women, which is a significant achievement, the reality remains bleak in many areas. In states like Haryana, Uttar Pradesh, and Bihar, the female sex ratio continues to decline. I hope for change, but it may be beyond my lifetime.

Condom

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I believe condoms are one of the greatest inventions of science—one of its most significant gifts to us. Despite their importance, many people still do not use them, and what prompted me to write this post is the embarrassment some people feel when buying condoms. I find it perplexing why so many are shy about purchasing them. Why is it so difficult to say the word “condoms”? People often go into shops intending to buy condoms but end up leaving with something else, like candies, because they can’t bring themselves to ask for condoms.

One of my close friends got married last year, and I gave him a large packet of condoms as a gift. A few days after his wedding, he called me urgently, saying he needed to meet immediately. Although I was far from home, he insisted it was very important, so I hurried back to meet him. When I arrived, he was still waiting at the spot where he had called me. I was worried something serious had happened, but when we met, he took me aside and confessed that he needed me to buy condoms for him.

I was initially taken aback, thinking he was joking, but he was completely serious. He had waited an hour for me because he was too embarrassed to buy condoms himself. He explained that he felt uncomfortable asking for them because all the shopkeepers in his neighborhood knew him personally. I told him that the shopkeepers knew he was newly married and, therefore, expected him to buy condoms at some point. So, I didn’t understand why he was so embarrassed. Nevertheless, he remained uncomfortable with the idea of buying them.

I asked where he had been getting condoms for the past few days since my gift wasn’t going to last forever. He told me he had been traveling to a different neighborhood to make his purchases. I tried to encourage him to buy condoms himself and suggested he go to the store. However, he still hesitated. Eventually, I took him to a shop and told him just to stand there while I made the purchase for him. The amusing part was that he ran away before I even reached the store.

He frequently asks me for advice on how to dispose of used condoms. I’ve suggested various methods, but he refuses to follow any of them. I told him to wrap them up and throw them in the trash bin, but he worries that his family might discover that he uses condoms. I recommended disposing of them in a public trash bin, but he fears that his neighbors might find out. I even suggested flushing them down the toilet, but he is still concerned about his family.

When I saw him a few days ago, I asked if he had started buying condoms on his own. He admitted that he no longer uses them because he found it too difficult to both purchase and dispose of them. I still want him to use condoms, and I’m trying to find ways to make him more comfortable with both buying and disposing of them. However, I doubt he will ever get over his reluctance, even though he enjoys discussing the topic. For him, it remains a challenging task.

The second story involves another friend of mine who runs a convenience store. I visit his shop every day, but I was unaware that he sold condoms because they were always hidden. A few days ago, I noticed the packets and bought a few. Since I pay him monthly, he was supposed to record the purchase in his register. However, he didn’t do so because he was uncomfortable with noting that I had bought condoms. I couldn’t understand his reasoning.

I have discussed this with him more than five times, but he insists on not recording it. He is embarrassed that his father or other family members might discover that he sells condoms. Although it doesn’t make much sense to me, it’s his reality. Eventually, he tallied the amount for the condoms I bought and wrote it down as if I had purchased coconut oil instead. So, I have one friend who is too shy to buy condoms, and another who is too shy to sell them.

These issues are significant problems in a country like India, where the number of HIV cases is rapidly increasing. Solving such problems is crucial for improving public health awareness and combating the spread of HIV. Varanasi is the largest consumer of condoms in Uttar Pradesh, but in this city, condoms are not primarily used for birth control or to prevent STDs. Instead, they are used in the weaving process. Approximately 600,000 condoms are sold in Varanasi every day, and the majority of them are utilized for weaving. Artisans rub condoms on the loom’s shuttle to make the weaving process smoother and more efficient.

Over 90% of weavers in Varanasi are Muslims. If the same people who use condoms for weaving were to start using them for birth control, it could lead to significant changes in India. Just as condoms speed up the weaving process, they could accelerate our development if used more widely for family planning. By learning to utilize condoms for their intended purpose, we could see broader societal benefits.

Tawayaf culture in Varanasi

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An anthropology student from the University of Pittsburgh, USA, named Megan contacted me recently. She was referred by my friend Adam Sergent, an anthropology student from the University of Chicago, who had stayed at my guest house a month ago while learning Hindi in Varanasi. Megan is currently in her fourth year of research, focusing on Tawayaf culture, sex work, and HIV. Adam had mentioned my NGO to her, and she was interested in learning about my experiences working with these issues. I was intrigued by her interest in Tawayaf culture; while I had some knowledge about them, I hadn’t delved deeply into their world before.

This has sparked my curiosity, and I plan to research more about them. Megan mentioned that she was already collaborating with an NGO in Varanasi that works with sex workers but wanted to expand her contacts to other cities as well. I provided her with information about a few NGOs in Azamgarh and Mau that I am familiar with. She also requested a written document confirming her work with sex workers, Tawayafs, and HIV in Varanasi, which she needs to secure funding from her university. I will consult with my legal advisor to see if I can assist her with this request.

We had an extensive discussion about our respective experiences, and we’ve agreed to collaborate in the future. I’m looking forward to working together and supporting her important research.