Continuing from Part 4

I was discharged from Varanasi Hospital on April 26th and transferred to Delhi in an ICU ambulance. India was under a nationwide lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic, so we required special permission from the district administration to travel, which was arranged by the hospital and the ambulance service provider. We began our journey around 8 PM. As an overnight journey, the accompanying doctor advised me to try and sleep. However, due to my elevated ammonia levels, everything felt abnormal

My head felt heavy, and I was confused and scared. I experienced a strange sensation in my head, as if I were under the influence of drugs. As the ambulance began to move, I tried to sleep. My elder brother, Chandan, my younger brother, Rajan, and my wife were accompanying me. Rajan and I were in the ambulance, while Chandan was driving his own car. I asked Rajan which route we would be taking, and he said that the driver wanted to pick someone up in Bhadohi hence will drive through Bhadohi-Prayagraj–Kanpur–Delhi route.

My anxiety was high, and everything seemed suspicious. I felt like my family was taking me somewhere else. This was likely due to my mental health condition and their constant disregard for my requests to go to ILBS Hospital. I suspected they knew I was dying and were simply trying to keep me comfortable by driving me around in an ambulance. After a few minutes of driving, I asked my younger brother where we were, and he replied that we were near Durgakund.

I pretended to sleep, but I was actually terrified and observing everyone in the ambulance, trying to eavesdrop on their conversations. After a few minutes, I asked my brother again where we were. This time, he said we were near the Radisson Hotel, which heightened my anxiety. These locations were in opposite directions, confirming my suspicion that they weren’t taking me to ILBS but were simply driving around the city, waiting for me to die.

I questioned the doctor, the driver, and my wife, but everyone insisted we were heading to Delhi. Despite their reassurances, I didn’t believe them, and my suspicions were likely influenced by the high ammonia levels affecting my mental state. Overwhelmed by fear, I got out of the ambulance in Bhadohi to verify our location. I checked various signs around the city to confirm my whereabouts. That night was terrifying. Everything seemed suspicious, and I felt like I was dying and my family was trying to harm me.

I took this pic of my wife sleeping in the ambulance

Seeing my wife fall asleep filled me with fear and sadness. I thought I was dying, and it was incomprehensible to me that my family members could sleep. I recall seeing the doctor on a video call with his daughter, where he joked about his tired face looking like a monkey. However, I interpreted this as a mockery of me. I was absolutely certain that they were taking me somewhere else. These doubts and questions raced through my mind.

I called my mother and informed her that I might not survive. She began to cry and asked me to request sleeping pills from the doctor. However, consumed by negativity, I believed she wanted me to be sedated permanently. I then contacted a neighbor and explained my situation. I told him that my family was taking me somewhere dangerous and that I might not survive. I asked him to record my voice and report it to the police if I passed away.

I sent my neighbor a WhatsApp message so he could present it to the police. I spent the entire journey observing the others in the ambulance. Whenever my wife fell asleep, I would wake her up, feeling insecure and scared. I constantly reminded her to talk to me, as I believed I wouldn’t survive for long. Somehow, the night passed, and I didn’t sleep a wink. The ambulance stopped early in the morning for tea and refreshments.

I took this picture of the ambulance to inform the police, look at my yellow eyes

I refused the tea offered by my family, suspecting they might have tampered with it. I kept a distance from them, observing their actions and taking pictures of the ambulance, my brother’s car, and my wife. I planned to send these images to the police and seek help. After taking the pictures, I tweeted to the UP Police, urgently requesting assistance as I believed my family was trying to harm me. I also sent the images and additional information to the police.

I was pretending to take a selfie with my wife but my actual plan was to have the car in the picture so that I could send the information to the police 🙂

The police responded to my tweet, requesting my exact location. I provided my coordinates, and they dispatched officers to locate me. However, by the time they arrived, I had already moved on. They contacted me again for an updated location, but I was unable to stop the driver, so they were unable to catch up. This happened three or four times, with the police arriving at a location only to find me gone.

We stopped at a cafeteria for a restroom break, and I heard someone mention nearby monkeys. Suspicious and fearful, I believed my brother was trying to have me attacked. I refused to use the restroom and stood at a distance from the car. During this time, I asked a local about the nearest police station. I wanted to go there and report my family’s potential attempt to harm me.

I shared my experiences with the locals, pleading for their help. They spoke with my family, but when they heard about my mental health struggles, they suggested I continue the journey with them. I was terrified and nervous, my heart was pounding, and I felt suffocated and dying. I informed my wife of my condition, and she alerted the doctor, who checked my blood pressure and determined that I was physically okay. He suggested oxygen support. While arranging the oxygen supply, a machine fell near me, and I suspected the doctor had tried to harm me by hitting me with it.

I confronted the doctor, demanding oxygen. Although he provided it, I felt more suffocated, believing he was trying to harm me with a dangerous gas. In a desperate attempt to escape, I opened the door of the moving ambulance and jumped out. Fortunately, I was not injured. I still had infusion needles attached to my arms, which I forcefully removed to frighten others. I began bleeding heavily, and my arm was covered in blood. I shouted for help, warning my family to stay away or I would harm myself further. As I ran away, shouting for help, a few people stopped. I explained my situation to them, but when they spoke with my family, they advised me to return to the ambulance.

My injured forearm after I forcefully removed the infusion needle

I refused to return to the ambulance and asked my brother to take me in his car. Despite my fear and anxiety, I was relieved to be out of the ambulance. Suspecting they were taking me somewhere else, I pleaded with my brother to drop me off at a Sikh Gurudwara. I believed they were planning to take me to a rehabilitation center where I would be mistreated. I tried to appeal to my wife’s emotions, sharing stories to persuade her to help me. However, no one was engaging with me, which increased my fear.

Blood on my hand after I forcefully removed infusion needle

I noticed that my brother’s car had a small display that would warn of nearby high-tension wires. This system would sound an alarm when we approached such wires. Suspicious, I began to believe that he had rigged his car to electrocute me. I started crying and begged him not to harm me. Although I’m still unsure how it happened, I felt several electric shocks while in the car, despite avoiding touching anything.

My brother explained the alarm system, but I was unable to believe him. I insisted on returning to the ambulance. Once back in the ambulance, I had crossed the border of Uttar Pradesh. I contacted the Delhi police, and they responded promptly, promising assistance. I requested them to send someone to my location, but I was unsure of my exact whereabouts. They informed me that they would wait for me at ILBS Hospital, and I should try to reach there.

I was skeptical about our destination, so I used Google Maps to navigate towards ILBS Hospital. Despite the challenges, I eventually reached the hospital. Overwhelmed with anger and frustration, I verbally abused the doctor who had accompanied me. I made hateful comments about him and his family, wishing them death. I still regret my actions, but my judgment was clouded by my mental state at the time. Reflecting on that journey fills me with fear and regret, as I acknowledge the irrational behavior I exhibited.

I was unaware of the connection between liver health and mental health until I encountered numerous mentally ill liver patients at the hospital. Elevated ammonia levels are a significant contributor to these mental health issues. The condition is called Hepatic encephalopathy and it happens when toxins (poisons), including ammonia, build up in your brain because your liver is unable to break them down. It can cause memory loss, confusion, loss of consciousness, coma or death. Reflecting on my own behavior, I believe my mind sensed something amiss and began interpreting every situation negatively.

My suspicion of my elder brother stemmed from his deception about his company’s free insurance offer in 2019 and his insistence on accompanying me for an ultrasound scan. Similarly, my suspicion of my wife and others arose from their initial reluctance to take me to ILBS Hospital. I was suspicious of Rajan because he smiled when the doctor, on a video call with his daughter, joked about his tired face. I misinterpreted this, believing the doctor was referring to me, and Rajan was amused. I also suspected my mother’s intentions when she suggested I ask the doctor for sleeping pills. While their intentions were likely not malicious, they were unaware of the severity of my condition. Financial constraints were undoubtedly a factor. My mind connected these events, leading to a negative interpretation. That night was terrifying, and I was consumed by fear and suspicion.

Conclusion: Families should take doctors’ advice seriously. If my family had followed the doctor’s recommendation and taken me to ILBS Hospital on time, my condition might not have deteriorated so much. They should also try to understand the patient’s perspective. I was scared, nervous, terrified, and mentally unstable. When someone exhibits unusual behavior, it’s important to recognize that it may be a symptom of an underlying medical condition. Liver health can significantly impact mental health. High ammonia levels in the blood can lead to a coma and even death.

If a patient is exhibiting unusual behavior, it’s important to remain calm and supportive. Listen to them, provide reassurance, and avoid displaying anger or frustration. Patients in distress need to feel heard and understood. If they are acting irrationally, remember that their decision-making abilities may be impaired. Offer care and compassion, even if their behavior is challenging

To be continued in Part 6