I returned from a trip to Jammu & Kashmir a few days ago. Although my trip was not successful because the police stopped us from entering the Kashmir Valley due to bad weather and violence, I have no regrets, as I got to talk with the locals and the Indian Army about the biggest social issue in India: Kashmir and the tensions between Hindus and Muslims. I wanted to visit the Amarnath Temple, one of the holiest places on the planet for Hindus. I had been to Kashmir about ten years ago, at which time it marked the beginning of better times in the Kashmir Valley.

When I was in Srinagar ten years ago, I did not witness any violence; the people seemed very happy. I spoke with locals then as well, and they were welcoming and glad that tourists were starting to return to the valley, as terrorism was being defeated. The economy of the Kashmir Valley is completely dependent on tourism, but whenever there is tension between India and Pakistan, tourism in Kashmir collapses completely. We arrived in Jammu by train and hired a taxi to Pahalgam, the base camp for pilgrims going to Amarnath.

We left the hotel around 10 o’clock, excited for the trip, but the police stopped us, stating that the weather in the Kashmir Valley was bad and that no one was allowed to proceed further. My taxi driver mentioned that sometimes the police stop people for no reason and suggested that we talk to them. We approached the J&K police, and they told us to wait and contact them later. I noticed an Army check-post nearby and saw a few pilgrims going inside their office, so I thought I should also speak with them.

We went to the army office and explained our situation. Our driver advised us to say that we did not want to go to Amarnath, but instead to Katra, another pilgrimage site about 40 km from Jammu. We told the army officer that we wanted to go to Katra but that the police were preventing us from doing so. He said he could have helped us if we had any connection to the army—meaning if I had any relatives or acquaintances who worked there. I do have relatives in the Indian Army, but I didn’t want to delay the process by calling them to speak with this officer, so I told him that I did not know anyone in the army.

The army officer informed us that, in this case, he could not help us. He asked where I was from, and fortunately, he was also from a city near Varanasi. After learning this, he became friendlier. I asked him if there was any way to proceed, and he told me that it was neither his style nor that of the Indian Army to suggest or accept bribes. However, he mentioned that if we wanted to understand how the J&K police operated, we could offer them a bribe of Rs. 500, and they would likely let us through. He acknowledged that the police engaged in such practices but refused to approach them on our behalf, as the army held a strong dislike for the J&K police because of their corruption.

I was surprised to learn that such things were happening in J&K, but at least now we had a potential way to reach our destination. We approached a police officer and offered him a bribe, which he accepted in exchange for allowing us to proceed for Rs. 300 per taxi. Unfortunately, just as we were handing him the money, another police officer noticed us and became aggressive. The officer who had initially agreed to take the bribe also turned on us and became angry. We found ourselves back in line once again. As I was wandering around, I spotted an army officer standing alone and decided to strike up a conversation with him about his job.

I approached him, and we started talking. He shared something that really shocked me: he claimed that J&K was no longer part of India, and even he didn’t know where it stood. He said that the army was there solely to protect the people and that we should focus on enjoying our pilgrimage. He expressed serious anger toward the J&K police, stating that if the army were to leave the state for just one day, the J&K police would sell out the entire region, making it impossible for people from outside J&K to enter the next day.

He claimed that the J&K police were completely corrupt and one of the biggest contributors to terrorism in the state. Having heard similar sentiments before, I found his perspective credible, especially after witnessing how they agreed to let us go only after accepting Rs. 300. After waiting for ten hours, we were instructed to return to Jammu. The police told us to come back the next day at 4 AM. We returned to the hotel and came back at 4 AM, only to be stopped again and told to get in line. While waiting, I noticed a young man who looked local, so I decided to strike up a conversation with him.

I asked him where he was from, and he told me he was from a village near Anantnag. This excited me because I had often read and heard about terrorist activities in that area. I asked if he was a student, and he explained that he couldn’t attend school due to his family’s poor financial condition and had been selling hot water to pilgrims going to Amarnath. After talking for a while, I asked him a question that surprised him and made him uncomfortable. I wanted to know if he had ever seen a terrorist. His facial expression clearly indicated his discomfort. Initially, he insisted that he had never seen one, but I sensed he was hiding something. So, I continued the conversation, explaining that I was just a curious tourist interested in the situation.

Eventually, he revealed something that truly shocked me: terrorists often come to his village and stay with the locals. While the villagers do not want to host them, they feel they have no choice. If they inform the army about the terrorists’ presence, they fear they would be killed eventually, so they are compelled to accommodate the terrorists and assist them in achieving their goals. He told me that when terrorists stayed at his house, they would sleep with his sister, and he felt powerless to stop them. He began to cry as he shared this, and I was deeply saddened and shocked by his story. How could this happen?

He also recounted another story about a close friend who once hosted a group of three terrorists in his home. On the same day, the army conducted a routine check and arrived at their house. They knocked on the door, entered, and asked for ID from all family members. Everyone had an ID, except for the three guests, who were terrorists. He explained that one army officer was inside the house, while the rest of the soldiers remained outside. As the officer asked for the ID of one of the terrorists, the others opened fire, killing him and targeting the soldiers outside. The army responded by blowing up the entire house. Tragically, all three terrorists and the family members inside were killed, leading to widespread protests against the army.

I can’t help but wonder what the right decision would have been: to destroy the house or to wait and identify who the terrorists were. Once, I asked my driver what the Kashmiri people wanted, and I was surprised by his answer: that they want neither India nor Pakistan, but instead seek independence. I struggle to understand this viewpoint because if they became independent, they would have to start from scratch, facing poverty and numerous other challenges for a long time. I believe it would be more practical for the Kashmiri people to remain with India rather than pursue independence or align with Pakistan, as India has more resources, is developing faster than Pakistan, and offers greater security and opportunities.

When I asked my driver about the tensions between Hindus and Muslims and the issue of terrorism in the Kashmir Valley, he was reluctant to acknowledge any such tensions. He claimed that the Indian Army and politicians were solely responsible for all the problems in the region. He accused the army of killing innocent people in Kashmir for no reason, a statement I found hard to believe. While I share a disdain for politicians, I cannot accept that the army deliberately targets innocent civilians.

My driver blamed America for all the problems and tensions in the world. He said that Barack Obama, George Bush, and other American politicians should be held accountable and punished because they seek to dominate the world and incite conflict. I couldn’t speak with many locals, but those I did were very angry with the Indian Army, Indian politicians, and America. I struggle to understand America’s role in our problems; I believe it is terrorist organizations, politicians, and extremist groups that create conflict and tension, not America.

I couldn’t make it to Amarnath, but two of my friends managed to visit just days before I left Varanasi. They were able to reach the temple because the weather was favorable upon their arrival. They shared some shocking stories with me. One friend, Sonu, recounted that they were stuck in a traffic jam near Srinagar when they noticed three young kids, hardly 10 to 12 years old, passing by. Sonu called out to them, wanting to engage in conversation. When he asked what they were doing on the highway, the kids replied in a way that left Sonu and his friends stunned.

Instead of replying, they asked Sonu what he was doing there. Their words were, ‘Why are you here? Do you come here to pray to the ice (Shivalingam in Amarnath temple is naturally formed of ice)? It’s not a god, it’s just ice that melts in the heat. You shouldn’t come to Kashmir. This is our land, not yours, you fucking Indians.’ Sonu became both angry and scared. I wondered how much hatred was embedded in that child’s mind. Kashmir is a major issue and a significant source of tension between Hindus and Muslims in India. I always believed that Muslims wanted to stay with India, but such incidents make me reconsider that.

Sonu mentioned that locals in the Kashmir valley were throwing stones at vehicles carrying pilgrims to Amarnath, and his taxi was also attacked. He saw over 200 cars with broken windows. People were hurling stones at the vehicles and urging pilgrims and tourists to leave Kashmir. It sounds truly terrifying. I wouldn’t want to go to a place where people greet me by throwing stones at my vehicle. It’s a terrible situation for the innocent people of Kashmir, as their lives are most affected

I don’t know what the future holds for the Kashmir Valley, but one thing is certain: if the current conditions persist, the people of Kashmir will face serious challenges, and it will take a long time to improve the situation. After hearing all these true stories and spending four days in J&K, I felt a deep sadness and questioned whether I was truly in a part of India. How can an Indian citizen view me as an outsider visiting their land? I don’t understand what has led people to feel they are not Indian. If this is the case, then what are we fighting for?

Are we fighting for a piece of land, or for the rights of the people of Kashmir? So many questions arise, and I don’t even know if I have the right to question the issues in Kashmir. It seems the people of Kashmir want something different, but as an Indian, I feel compelled to question everything happening in my country. Personally, I believe that Kashmir is part of India. I hope that one day terrorism will be defeated and that the people of Kashmir will find prosperity and a better life. For now, my friends and I have decided not to visit the Kashmir Valley again until the terrorism problem is resolved and the people once again welcome pilgrims and tourists with the spirit of “Atithi Devo Bhav.” अतिथि देवो भव. Peace.