Monthly Archives: December 2008

Life of an Indian Woman

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Nisha, my neighbor, moved into the neighborhood four years ago after marrying my friend’s brother. She’s also a friend of my wife’s. My wife told me that Nisha’s life before marriage was incredibly difficult. Her parents were very poor. A cousin, a government employee, would help Nisha’s family, but not out of familial obligation. Instead, he used this as leverage to sexually abuse her. He forced himself on her, threatening to stop helping her family if she resisted. Nisha was terrified and helpless. Even in front of friends, her cousin would harass her.

She could only cry and submit to his demands. This abuse continued for years, both before and after her marriage, whenever she visited her family. Now, her cousin blackmails her, threatening to tell her husband about their past if she doesn’t continue the abuse. Fear of her husband finding out keeps Nisha from cutting ties with her family. My wife told me this story, but I also witnessed firsthand what happened to Nisha after her marriage, as she lives nearby and is my friend’s sister-in-law. Immediately after the wedding, she faced immense pressure for dowry. Her husband would beat her and demand money from her family, but her parents were too poor to help.

Despite the abuse, she refused to ask her parents for money. Her mother-in-law would also mistreat her, denying her husband the right to sleep with her. They lived in separate rooms until the mother-in-law passed away. Nisha was responsible for all household chores, including cooking, cleaning, and laundry, while enduring constant abuse. She couldn’t even share a bed with her husband. Eventually, the stress took a toll on her mental health, but her husband neglected her. He sent her back to her parents’ home, where she stayed for six to seven months recovering. During this time, she was again abused by her cousin. When Nisha returned to her husband’s family, her problems were far from over. The beatings continued, and her husband persisted in demanding money from her parents.

The passing of her mother-in-law marked the end of one challenge, but the beginning of another. Nisha’s sister-in-law stepped into her mother-in-law’s role, treating her with similar cruelty. However, unlike her mother-in-law, she didn’t interfere with Nisha’s relationship with her husband. Nisha eventually gave birth to a son, which likely provided her with some relief. Had she given birth to a daughter, the situation could have been dire. Her abusive husband might have rejected a female child. It’s possible that she underwent a prenatal ultrasound to determine the baby’s sex, given her family’s history of harmful actions.

Nisha’s son is now one year old, but her sister-in-law continues to interfere. She tries to alienate Nisha from her child, keeping the baby busy and preventing Nisha from bonding with him. Nisha’s other sister-in-law plays a similar role, constantly engaging with the baby and providing care. Nisha longs to see her baby, but her husband and sister-in-law prevent her from doing so. About seven months ago, when the baby was only five months old, Nisha’s husband sent the child to his other sister in Delhi. Despite still breastfeeding, Nisha was abruptly forced to stop. The engorgement caused her immense pain, and she cried out in agony.

She desperately wanted her baby to feed, but he was far away. Her husband was absent at the time. Neighbors heard her cries and rushed her to the hospital. By the time she arrived, she had fainted. The doctor insisted that she breastfeed immediately, warning that the engorgement could be fatal. Concerned neighbors contacted Nisha’s husband, hoping for his cooperation. Instead, he began beating her in the hospital. The doctor recommended admitting Nisha to relieve the engorgement, but her husband refused. He called his sister, who had the baby in Delhi.

Her husband’s abuse escalated. Nisha suggested that he ask the doctor to stop her milk production, hoping to end the pain. Reluctantly, he agreed, and the doctor took steps to suppress her lactation. However, the pain persisted. The doctor urged Nisha’s husband to admit her to the hospital, but he refused. Instead, he brought her home and continued to abuse her. She was locked in a room for days without any medical care. All she could do was cry. Nisha’s husband and sister-in-law want the baby to forget his mother so they can keep him and force Nisha out of the family. They intentionally torture her, hoping she will leave, die, or disappear.

Nisha has lost all hope. She can’t even return to her impoverished parents. Neighbors are concerned and want to intervene, but Nisha forbids them, fearing that her family would retaliate violently. Nisha’s situation is dire, and something must be done. This is a clear consequence of our cultural bias that prioritizes males over females. While Hinduism traditionally respects women, this reverence has been eroded over time. Even young girls are revered in certain rituals. Our culture values women highly, but the implementation of this respect has faltered.

India is often touted as a developing nation, but this development is incomplete without gender equality. The progress of only male-dominated sectors is insufficient. Despite having a large number of professional women, which is a significant achievement, the reality remains bleak in many areas. In states like Haryana, Uttar Pradesh, and Bihar, the female sex ratio continues to decline. I hope for change, but it may be beyond my lifetime.

Photo documentary on Ganga

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Nadia left Varanasi on the 20th. She stayed at my place for a month while working on her photo documentary titled *Child of Ganga*. During her time here, we explored various locations along the river together. We visited several sewage discharge points, and it was a remarkable experience to accompany Nadia on her journey. I thoroughly enjoyed our time and learned a great deal about the different areas where sewage is directly discharged into the river.

Nadia initially expected to complete her research in a month, but she found that this was hardly sufficient. As people often say, even a lifetime might not be enough to fully understand Varanasi. She plans to return next year to continue her research. Her documentary is scheduled to be shown at the university in March 2009, and I am eagerly looking forward to it. When I asked Nadia if she would acknowledge my contribution in her documentary, she assured me that if she doesn’t, she could be sued.

In addition to the documentary, Nadia is also writing a book, and I hope to see my name mentioned in it. Nadia’s approach seems unique compared to other researchers who visit Varanasi. Typically, foreign researchers are unaware of events that occur only once or twice a year, such as the pilgrimage where people visit major temples in Varanasi and, contrary to expectations, end up drinking sewage water instead of the intended sacred water from where the river Varun merges with the Ganga. In reality, the Varun is essentially sewage.

We had hoped to witness this event, but Nadia had to leave before it occurred. I am very excited about the book she is writing and regret not having more time to discuss her reflections on spending a month in Varanasi, as she was often busy. I look forward to seeing her again in the future and assisting with her research.

Music classes in Varanasi

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A guy from California stayed at my place for a week. He came here to explore music and Sanskrit classes and to get an overall feel for the city. He asked me for recommendations on music classes, and I suggested he visit Pandit Shivnath Mishra, who lives next door. It was amusing to discover that he had already met Pandit Mishra and his son in California. He had played some tabla with them and even received an offer to perform with them abroad as a tabla player.

Josh was thrilled about this opportunity. He expressed his eagerness to join Mr. Mishra’s ensemble. During his stay, he also visited Bunti’s school, where he played tabla and taught African music to the students. Bunti mentioned that everyone at the school really enjoyed the music. Josh was also interested in visiting Bal Ashram, an Aghor monastery. I took him there, where we encountered a British doctor who was providing free eye check-ups to the underprivileged.

I was impressed by his dedication; the monastery mentioned that he comes to Varanasi every year for a few months to work pro bono. Josh wanted to see the monastery as a potential place for his friends to stay and volunteer. I suggested he also check out Bhagwan Avdhoot Ram Ashram, which is the mother ashram, but he didn’t seem very interested. The mother ashram has had conflicts with Bal Ashram in the past due to some financial misconduct by Bal Ashram’s employees. I have faith in the integrity of the mother ashram.

Josh said he would visit both ashrams when he returns to Varanasi, and he plans to come back in the first week of January.

Security and Sanitation or Satellite?

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On October 22, 2008, India launched Chandrayaan, a satellite designed to create a 3D atlas of the lunar surface and map the distribution of elements and minerals. Such space missions undoubtedly require substantial funding. However, just a month after the satellite’s launch, India faced one of its most devastating terrorist attacks. Nearly 200 people lost their lives, and over 350 were injured. In the aftermath of the attack, several critical deficiencies became apparent. The fire department lacked the necessary equipment, such as high-reaching ladders and specialized clothing.

Firefighters were equipped with only basic cotton uniforms, and many policemen were killed because they lacked bulletproof vests. I saw a video of a policeman confronting terrorists armed with advanced weaponry while he had only an outdated rifle. These shortcomings highlight a troubling pattern: the government has often neglected to allocate funds for essential safety and emergency services. Similarly, during the Bihar floods earlier this year, thousands of kilograms of grains and food packets rotted because of a severe shortage of helicopters.

With only two helicopters available to cover the entire state, people were dying from hunger and thirst despite the availability of food. This crisis again underscores the government’s failure to prioritize and invest in crucial infrastructure. Sanitation is another pressing issue in India. Public toilets are scarce, leading people to urinate on the streets. The lack of dustbins results in widespread littering, and one sweeper is expected to clean a neighborhood with thousands of residents. Untreated sewage is frequently discharged directly into rivers, and garbage often ends up in these water bodies due to inadequate education and waste management systems.

These problems persist because sanitation and public health infrastructure have not been given the necessary attention. While space exploration is impressive and can drive scientific progress, it should not overshadow fundamental needs such as sanitation, security, and education. Many people in India lack basic knowledge about space missions, with more than 30% unable to write the word “moon” and over 50% not knowing what a satellite is. The majority of the population may not understand the specifics of projects like Chandrayaan or their potential impact.

I believe the focus should be on improving essential services and infrastructure first. It might be more effective to collaborate with wealthy countries for funding space projects or even consider selling these projects to allocate resources where they are most urgently needed. Addressing critical issues such as poor roads, inadequate schools, and insufficient public transport should be a priority. By focusing on these foundational needs, we could significantly enhance the quality of life for many Indians.

Bakrid 2008

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Every day, I witness something that nobody would ever want to see: blood and meat strewn everywhere in my city. During a Muslim festival called Bakrid, each Muslim family is expected to slaughter a male goat, and sometimes they buy one for every member of the family. After slaughtering the animals, they discard the waste on the roads. It usually takes the municipality four to five days to clean up the mess. There’s a show on Discovery Channel called *Dirty Jobs*, and while I’ve watched it occasionally, I can tell you that the tasks they feature are nothing compared to what our municipal workers endure.

For these four or five days, animal waste remains on the streets, and people generally avoid the Muslim neighborhoods during this period. I had witnessed this about ten years ago and was reluctant to return, but this year I decided to revisit it with Nadia, a researcher from Singapore. Initially, we planned to walk, but we soon opted for a rickshaw because the sight was overwhelming. Goat skins, meat, and other waste covered the streets, and I was astonished to see people standing around and conversing as if it were a normal part of their routine.

We rode through all the major Muslim neighborhoods in Varanasi, and everywhere we went, we saw the same scene: meat, goat skins, and blood. I even saw someone riding a camel through one of the neighborhoods. When I asked some locals, they informed me that the camel was going to be slaughtered as well. Wealthy individuals sometimes slaughter camels to display their affluence, and the number of camels slaughtered is reported in the news each year. I read that ten camels were slaughtered in Varanasi alone this year.

I’m unsure how to address this issue or whom to hold accountable, but it’s clear that maintaining sanitation is a shared responsibility. Disposing of animal waste on the streets is unsanitary, spreads disease, and is visually repulsive. There’s nothing worse than being surrounded by discarded meat. Nadia, who is also Muslim, was shocked by what she saw. In Singapore, such practices are completely hidden from view. People there contribute money to mosques for slaughtering, which is done discreetly.

Nadia remarked that this method in Singapore—paying for the slaughter to be done on one’s behalf—seems far superior to what we experience here. After witnessing the heaps of meat, she felt ill, and I couldn’t bring myself to eat that day. Nonetheless, it was an eye-opening experience for both of us. Despite the common belief that selling meat is prohibited in Varanasi, the reality is that meat is ubiquitous: in shops, kitchens, and sometimes even on the streets.

Corruption in India

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It seems like “pending” has become a ubiquitous term here, and perhaps we use it more than anywhere else in the world. We have the highest number of legal cases pending in our courts, and people often spend their entire lives pursuing cases with no resolution. Many now prefer to settle disputes privately rather than dealing with the police or courts. When dealing with the police, bribery is almost inevitable. If you go to court, you’re faced with both bribery and lengthy delays before any judgment is reached. Sometimes, even judges are bribed, which compromises the fairness of their decisions.

I experienced this firsthand. Several years ago, I filed a case against a computer shop where I had bought a computer. I had been charged Rs. 43,000 for a computer worth Rs. 23,000. I demanded either a refund or the return of the computer. The shopkeeper agreed to take the computer back and issued me two post-dated bank cheques. However, when I tried to cash them, the bank informed me that there were insufficient funds. Despite repeated attempts and promises from the shopkeeper, I never received my money.

After this, I decided to take legal action. It took over seven years and substantial personal time and lawyer fees before the judgment was finally delivered—in favor of the shopkeeper, because he had bribed the judge. Despite having clear evidence of my case, including a stamped paper agreement and a receipt, justice was not served. I also applied for a tour guide license two years ago, but have yet to receive it. The process has been stalled in various courts. Initially, it took nearly a year for the government to process the application and conduct the exam.

Later, existing guides filed lawsuits to block new entrants into the field. Although I passed the exam, the government has only issued temporary licenses, which are not satisfactory. It seems unlikely that I will receive a permanent license within the next year. I applied for another tour guide license from the state government about two and a half years ago, and the situation is similar. The government has been sued by established guides, and the case remains unresolved. I have almost forgotten about it, as there has been no progress or hearing regarding this case. The Rs. 500 application fee has not been refunded, and it appears the exam may never be conducted.

Additionally, I applied for a registration for a guest house a year and a half ago but have yet to receive it. I am told every few weeks that they are still surveying and will issue the license soon. On one occasion, they even told me to reapply because they lost my paperwork. While the application process was not costly, it was time-consuming. I am currently hosting guests without a license, merely informing the local intelligence unit. Having an official license would provide peace of mind.

Condom

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I believe condoms are one of the greatest inventions of science—one of its most significant gifts to us. Despite their importance, many people still do not use them, and what prompted me to write this post is the embarrassment some people feel when buying condoms. I find it perplexing why so many are shy about purchasing them. Why is it so difficult to say the word “condoms”? People often go into shops intending to buy condoms but end up leaving with something else, like candies, because they can’t bring themselves to ask for condoms.

One of my close friends got married last year, and I gave him a large packet of condoms as a gift. A few days after his wedding, he called me urgently, saying he needed to meet immediately. Although I was far from home, he insisted it was very important, so I hurried back to meet him. When I arrived, he was still waiting at the spot where he had called me. I was worried something serious had happened, but when we met, he took me aside and confessed that he needed me to buy condoms for him.

I was initially taken aback, thinking he was joking, but he was completely serious. He had waited an hour for me because he was too embarrassed to buy condoms himself. He explained that he felt uncomfortable asking for them because all the shopkeepers in his neighborhood knew him personally. I told him that the shopkeepers knew he was newly married and, therefore, expected him to buy condoms at some point. So, I didn’t understand why he was so embarrassed. Nevertheless, he remained uncomfortable with the idea of buying them.

I asked where he had been getting condoms for the past few days since my gift wasn’t going to last forever. He told me he had been traveling to a different neighborhood to make his purchases. I tried to encourage him to buy condoms himself and suggested he go to the store. However, he still hesitated. Eventually, I took him to a shop and told him just to stand there while I made the purchase for him. The amusing part was that he ran away before I even reached the store.

He frequently asks me for advice on how to dispose of used condoms. I’ve suggested various methods, but he refuses to follow any of them. I told him to wrap them up and throw them in the trash bin, but he worries that his family might discover that he uses condoms. I recommended disposing of them in a public trash bin, but he fears that his neighbors might find out. I even suggested flushing them down the toilet, but he is still concerned about his family.

When I saw him a few days ago, I asked if he had started buying condoms on his own. He admitted that he no longer uses them because he found it too difficult to both purchase and dispose of them. I still want him to use condoms, and I’m trying to find ways to make him more comfortable with both buying and disposing of them. However, I doubt he will ever get over his reluctance, even though he enjoys discussing the topic. For him, it remains a challenging task.

The second story involves another friend of mine who runs a convenience store. I visit his shop every day, but I was unaware that he sold condoms because they were always hidden. A few days ago, I noticed the packets and bought a few. Since I pay him monthly, he was supposed to record the purchase in his register. However, he didn’t do so because he was uncomfortable with noting that I had bought condoms. I couldn’t understand his reasoning.

I have discussed this with him more than five times, but he insists on not recording it. He is embarrassed that his father or other family members might discover that he sells condoms. Although it doesn’t make much sense to me, it’s his reality. Eventually, he tallied the amount for the condoms I bought and wrote it down as if I had purchased coconut oil instead. So, I have one friend who is too shy to buy condoms, and another who is too shy to sell them.

These issues are significant problems in a country like India, where the number of HIV cases is rapidly increasing. Solving such problems is crucial for improving public health awareness and combating the spread of HIV. Varanasi is the largest consumer of condoms in Uttar Pradesh, but in this city, condoms are not primarily used for birth control or to prevent STDs. Instead, they are used in the weaving process. Approximately 600,000 condoms are sold in Varanasi every day, and the majority of them are utilized for weaving. Artisans rub condoms on the loom’s shuttle to make the weaving process smoother and more efficient.

Over 90% of weavers in Varanasi are Muslims. If the same people who use condoms for weaving were to start using them for birth control, it could lead to significant changes in India. Just as condoms speed up the weaving process, they could accelerate our development if used more widely for family planning. By learning to utilize condoms for their intended purpose, we could see broader societal benefits.

Terrorist attack on Mumbai

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Mumbai was attacked by terrorists on November 26th. Nearly 175 people were killed, and over 350 were injured. Terrorism has been affecting India for decades, yet the government continues to issue the same unconvincing statements without taking substantial action to address it. In such a critical situation, it would have been ideal for all political parties to unite, but unfortunately, the two major parties—Congress and BJP—remained at odds. There is widespread criticism of both the government and the police. Media outlets, the Indian intelligence agency, and the FBI have indicated that the terrorists were trained in Pakistan.

Fire at the Taj Hotel, Mumbai

The police have gathered significant evidence suggesting Pakistan’s involvement in the attack, but the Pakistani government refuses to acknowledge it. India provided Pakistan with a list of twenty terrorists, requesting their extradition, but Pakistan demanded proof of their involvement before considering any action. The terrorists India has requested are internationally recognized as terrorists, yet Pakistan insists on further evidence. Dawood Ibrahim, who facilitated the terrorists’ sea route to Mumbai, is already listed as a most-wanted terrorist by the US government, but Pakistan still seeks more proof. Despite widespread calls for action from the Indian public, it seems unlikely that meaningful measures will be taken.

Ajmal Kasab, one of the terrorists

Following the Mumbai attacks, India received strong support from the international community. Both the US and Israeli governments have pledged their assistance in the fight against terrorism. However, while our government eagerly seeks international help for nuclear projects that could lead to environmental and safety risks, it appears less interested in leveraging international support to combat terrorism. I was particularly struck by an Israeli politician’s interview where he suggested that India should first address its own issues before expecting international assistance. I agree with this perspective.

An injured person at a hospital

It is crucial for us to take proactive measures ourselves rather than waiting for others to intervene. After each terrorist attack, politicians issue statements that ultimately lead nowhere. Both the Indian government and the international community often fall short in providing effective responses. The media also expressed frustration over repeatedly covering terrorist attacks. They criticized the constant exposure to violence and the need to report on it. Despite their efforts to capture and report on the attacks, media outlets often found themselves ahead of the police in terms of information.

CST Railway station after attack

The media’s coverage, including photos and videos of the terrorists, contrasted sharply with the police’s repeated claims of being unable to locate them. During one interview, a terrorist called into a news channel with demands, including the release of imprisoned terrorists and the declaration of Hyderabad as a Muslim state. Despite his claims of being from Hyderabad, his distinct Kashmiri accent revealed his actual origin. Eventually, it was confirmed that the terrorists were from Karachi, Pakistan. One of the terrorists, when asked about their food needs, dismissed the question, stating that they would be welcomed into heaven with plentiful food.

Fire coming out of Oberio Hotel window

When informed that the NSG commandos were closing in, he replied that the world was watching and that dying would lead him to heaven and the blessings of Allah. The terrorists justified their attack by alleging that Hindus mistreat Muslims, citing the demolition of the Babri Mosque as an example. However, this was an isolated incident, and many temples have been destroyed in Pakistan as well. Their claims do not reflect the broader reality in India, where such incidents are rare. When discussing Kashmir, the terrorists claimed that its people want to join Pakistan.

 

However, during my time in Kashmir, every person I spoke to expressed a desire to remain under Indian control. Kashmir’s ongoing poverty is largely due to terrorism, and if the terrorists genuinely cared about the Kashmiri people, they would cease their violence, as India offers better opportunities than Pakistan. Recent sentiments among my friends suggest that if Kashmir is the source of these problems, some would even support giving it to Pakistan to resolve the issue. I understand this perspective, given the persistent violence affecting all parts of India. If the Indian government were to consider this option, I would support it, recognizing that the government has struggled to solve the Kashmir issue effectively.

If those advocating for Kashmiri Muslims genuinely cared about their welfare, they would also need to address the conditions of Muslims in other Indian states. Their demands for Kashmir might eventually extend to the whole country. Instead, if they want Kashmir, they should also accept all Muslims from India and resettle them elsewhere. This, however, is unrealistic because their real aim is not to improve the lives of Muslims but to disrupt India’s progress and economy. The Mumbai attacks targeted landmarks like the Taj and Oberoi hotels to damage India’s tourism and economic sectors. While not all Muslims are involved in terrorism, these attacks taint their image and intentions.

The public response to the attacks was powerful. People across India protested, with a massive candlelight march in Mumbai. Many believe that the government, rather than the terrorists, should be held accountable for the security lapses that allowed the attacks to occur. The ease with which the terrorists smuggled weapons from Karachi suggests possible collusion with local authorities. Mumbai demands a change in the political system, and while some advocate for more educated leaders, I believe that honesty is more critical. Education alone cannot solve corruption; it must be coupled with integrity. Despite young Indians’ rejection of bribery, widespread corruption in government and law enforcement undermines this ideal.

Candle light procession

Guests at the Taj Hotel during the attacks praised the staff for their efforts in keeping them informed and safe. In contrast, government agencies failed to deliver. The private sector performed admirably under the circumstances. Instead of solely blaming Pakistan or terrorist organizations, we need to improve our internal systems. In my view, the primary failures were within the Indian government and its security forces.

Hotel Taj before attacks