One of my relatives is getting married in the last week of May. The bride is a graduate student, and the groom works with a chartered accountant in Lucknow. The bride’s father runs a small saree business, so the family does not have much money. The marriage was arranged by one of their relatives. It is a very traditional wedding, with everything being done according to Hindu customs. When I first met the groom and his family, they seemed very nice. In fact, when the bride’s father asked about dowry, the groom’s father said it was not an issue for them. I really appreciated that response.

However, just a few days before the tilak ceremony (a ritual where the bride’s family visits the groom’s family), things changed. The groom’s family suddenly began demanding dowry. They asked for ₹51,000 in cash, a motorbike, jewelry, clothes, a refrigerator, a TV, a bed, and several other items. I knew very well that the bride’s parents could not afford this, but instead of refusing, they promised to give it—though arranging it would be extremely difficult for them.

Later, when I spoke with the bride, she told me she had discussed it with the groom. He assured her that he personally did not want anything at all and that the demands were entirely his father’s decision. He said he could not do anything to stop it. The bride looked very sad while talking about it, and I felt the same. I saw her father desperately trying to arrange everything, though I knew it was beyond his means. A few days after the tilak, the groom’s father called the bride’s father again and said that since the groom had already bought a motorbike, they no longer needed one—but they wanted cash in place of it.

When the bride’s father questioned why they still demanded money if the motorbike was already bought, the groom’s father insisted that they either wanted a motorbike or cash in exchange. On top of all this dowry, the bride’s family also has to arrange a wedding reception that will cost at least ₹1,50,000. Altogether, the expenses will come close to ₹3,00,000—an impossible amount for the bride’s family. Unfortunately, stories like this are not rare. There are countless cases in which brides are tortured or even burnt alive because their parents could not provide the dowry demanded by the groom’s family.

Sometimes, even after fulfilling the demands, brides continue to be harassed until they break down completely. Many end up taking their own lives. Yet, in many cases, brides remain silent, fearing that going to the police or taking legal action would bring shame to their family in society. I often wonder whether such marriages are truly marriages or just business deals—deals where one side always loses everything. Why is it always the bride’s family who must pay? They are already giving their daughter, who will devote her entire life to the groom’s family. Is that not worth more than a motorbike or ₹51,000 in cash?

It is heartbreaking to see how the dowry system is not weakening but becoming stronger. Families now demand more and more. Many people do not even want daughters anymore, because they fear the burden of dowry. I don’t know when this will change—or if it ever will—but it must change if we want to build a truly happy and developed society.