My cousin is set to get married, likely in December this year. A relative of mine, who works permanently at a bank, is deeply involved in arranging marriages. He knows several families looking to marry off their children and suggested to my uncle that his son should marry one of his relative’s daughters. The bride is pursuing a master’s degree at the Sanskrit University, while my cousin works for a travel agency in Delhi. My cousin has always been eager to get married, and now it seems his dream is coming true. Neither the bride nor the groom had met before this arrangement.
They were introduced briefly when my cousin visited Varanasi a few days ago, and that was the extent of their interaction. My cousin liked the bride upon seeing her and decided she was the one for him. The engagement took place yesterday. A few days prior to the engagement, my cousin mentioned that the bride might not be well-suited for Delhi, given her education in Varanasi through the Sanskrit board. Nevertheless, he was determined to marry her, partly because she has only one other sister. He seemed most excited about the prospect of inheriting property.
He mentioned that after the bride’s father passes away, he and the husband of the other sister would inherit all the assets. He was particularly thrilled about the prospect of owning a house in Varanasi. When I estimated the cost of such a house to be around five hundred thousand rupees, he was even more delighted. He joked that the bride’s worth was at least two hundred fifty thousand rupees currently, and that her value would increase over time. He speculated on how long her father might live—five years, ten years, fifteen years—and anticipated that he would get half of the property upon the father’s death.
The engagement was unusual because neither the bride nor the groom attended. Only the families met to complete the formalities. The bride’s father provided Rs. 10,000 ($200), along with some fruits, sweets, and a suit for the groom. The wedding is scheduled for December 12, at which time the remainder of the dowry will be given. This includes Rs. 50,000 in cash, a gold chain for the groom, five pieces of gold jewelry, clothing for the bride, and household items like a bed, refrigerator, wardrobe, TV, and music system. The bride’s family will provide these on the wedding day, having already given Rs. 10,000 in advance, leaving a balance of Rs. 40,000.
The groom requested cash instead of household items because, although the wedding will be in Varanasi, he lives in Delhi and has already purchased some furnishings like a TV and a bed. He plans to use the cash from the bride’s family to cover wedding expenses, meaning he won’t have to spend from his own funds, while the bride’s family will bear the significant costs. The bride’s father is a retired municipal employee who worked as a temporary staff member for most of his career, earning approximately Rs. 2,000-3,000 per month. He became a permanent employee in 1999 and retired in 2008, so he only earned a decent salary for about nine years.
I suspect he will use a substantial portion of his savings for this wedding. Although my cousin has already bought some household items, he still requested cash. This wedding feels more like a commercial transaction than a union of two individuals, where one party gains significantly while the other bears the financial burden and even harbors resentment. Dowry remains a significant issue in India and is a major factor in the declining sex ratio. I once believed that a decreasing sex ratio might lead to a reduction in dowry demands, but the situation hasn’t improved. The ratio of girls continues to fall, and dowry demands are rising. Some joke that grooms will eventually have to pay dowry due to the shortage of girls, but from what I see with people like my cousin, this joke may remain just that—a joke.